Let Your Struggles Transform You
You have a choice to make. You can let the difficult, awful, and heartbreaking experiences in your life break you....or make you. It might sound cliche but ultimately we let each moment shape us. And you have the power to decide how it'll change you.
For me, I let the worst time in my life catapult me on to my dream path. I love my career as a school counselor but a creative outlet is something that was missing in my life. I love writing, designing layouts, and interior design and I had tried blogging a few times in the past but didn't stick with it. Connecting with and helping inspire others is so important to me. And I've always felt like I had more to give, more to express.
My Story
Pregnancy, an NICU experience, my parents shocking divorce, my father-in-law's unexpected death, my lips, tongue & mouth swelling, panic attacks, and brain surgery are the major markers of a year and a half of my life. If I exclude pregnancy and the birth of my son, everything else happened within 4 months while living in a foreign country as new parents.
Once the dust settled, I knew I had been through a lot. But trauma can be like a sleeping giant. And oh did he wake up with a vengeance!
I now have a beautiful & healthy 20-month-old boy. I'm almost to the 1 year anniversary of my surgery. On the outside, things look good. But in the behind the scenes footage of my life, the last year has been hell. However, as I hit what felt like rock bottom, something hit me. I am determined to flip the switch and change the narrative. I am going to take what has happened in my life and make it work for me rather than against me.
Letting Pain Transform You
I really believe I have let my pain transform me. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. While I still have more to learn and more growing to do, I was broken open and carefully choose what I'm going to let back in. My biggest goal is to take what I have learned, share it with others, and help & inspire people who are going through difficult times.
Before I share some tips, it's important to recognize that pain is pain. Your struggles are yours alone. What is challenging for one person, isn't the same for another. I know that what happened in my life felt hard. But I also know that life can be "just fine" but a mental health issue could make your life miserable. I'm very aware there are so many people who have dealt with far more difficult circumstances than I have. But that's not my story.
The 5 Most Pivotal Steps to Transformation (That Helped Me):
Stop Fighting- I don't mean giving up. I mean accept that something has happened or acknowledge that you're struggling. Surrender. Don't lie or deny to yourself and others about being ok. Once you truly accept what has been offered to you, you can decide how you'll use it, what you'll learn from it, how you'll grow. But this means you really have to sit with the feelings and go through the darkness. Don't bottle it up. Instead, let it break you open.
Build Your Team- Likely you already have supportive people in your life. I've found that going through hard times really shows you who has your back. Some friends might not stick around because you're "not fun anymore" or can't cope with hearing your hardships. Don't cling to them. Find out who is with you through the good & the bad. My support team also included my therapist and a naturopathic doctor. Now it includes my acupuncturist. Choose your team wisely and then don't shy to ask for help.
Add Tools to Your Toolbox- I would not have changed as much as I did without the books and the meditations and the journals. There are so many resources out there for us. When my baby was in the NICU for 12 days, I read so many posts and articles from other moms about their NICU experiences. I was not alone. And neither are you. Fill your toolbox and use the tools often. This includes carefully curating who comes up in your social media feeds. Again, I found so many resources to help me. I follow women with similar health issues, mothers, women entrepreneurs & bloggers, and just badass women who spread their positivity. I removed Kylie Jenner and others who my thoughts were "why would I want to see this? How is this helping me?". And they weren't helping, so byeeee!
Mind Control- I tell my students that we all have a superpower. The superpower is mind control! Unfortunately not over others but over our own minds. Being aware of & controlling your thoughts is much easier said than done. I'm a counselor and I still struggle with this. I still find myself thinking things like, "Why me?" and "Can't I catch a break?". But having a victim mindset wasn't helping me. Reframing your thoughts, being curious, and adding positive affirmations are vital. I try to ask myself, "What can I learn from this?", "How can I use this to help others?" and "I am strong enough to get through this".
Do the Hard Things- I had already been through so many difficult things that I was very resistant to adding to it. I resisted making changes to my lifestyle because I felt I deserved to not have to do any more hard work. And guess what? I didn't get better, physically or emotionally. So I finally started doing the work. And it is WORK! Therapy, reiki, acupuncture, naturopath doctor, reading, mindfulness and my most current commitment is to my diet. I've reduced gluten, dairy, caffeine, alcohol and sugar and this month I'm following a rather restrictive elimination diet. Because I finally was willing to accept that my old ways weren't working and that my health issues are just happening to me, but I'm enabling the issues. What we all deserve is to do the hard work to enjoy our most healthy & happy life.
Your struggle could be small or big, long term or fleeting but you can let anything transform you. We don't need a catastrophe to make us wake up. But I do believe that if you ignore the signs that are trying to direct you to something better, somewhere truer, something big may happen to get you to pay attention. We always have the opportunity to ask ourselves, "How can I be better or happier or truer to myself in my relationship/parenting/job/business/health/well-being"? As they say, change is the only constant, so make sure you're making the changes you want. For more about my story and other helpful tips, check out these posts at Girl Getting Through.
Tara is a 35 year old wife & mother, originally from Wisconsin, USA, currently living in Bangkok, Thailand. She is a school counselor, blogger and soon to be a certified life coach. You can follow & connect with her on Instagram, Pinterest or Facebook.
You can email Tara at tara@girlgettingthrough.com
